Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

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Limbo

October 2, 2009

I think that I am an action oriented person. I like to be in control of my own destiny, and thus if something needs to be done, I will do it. Let me pursue a goal so I may have the opportunity to strive for new heights.

Without giving too many details, let me just say that this past week has been very hard for us. We have some interesting and possibly exciting things coming, but nothing is for certain. That is where I am, in limbo. Waiting. As one of my all time favorite books states:

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at
break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting

I am tired of waiting, but I have no choice. Thus, I will continue to wait and while I wait I can’t seem to sleep well. This whole thing had better resolve soon because I can’t keep living like this!

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The definition of Insanity

October 28, 2008

Insanity: Promising the community a full on, fully automated, completely awesome Haunted House. Even more is completing said Haunted House in two days.

We open tomorrow people! And guess how many of my volunteers showed up yesterday to help… ZERO! It was me, Sultry Husband (who took the week off work), and Sh’s friend (who also took the week off). I feel like it is pure insanity. We will do everything we can to pull this off, but it will be nothing short of a miracle.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (insane primal scream)

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New meaning for an old word

July 1, 2008

I have known for a very long time what it means to be tired. I have had two other children and thus, I have done this before. So please tell me why it came as such a surprise that I feel so tired all the time? The lack of a full night of sleep really is getting to me, and I find that my emotional balance is out of whack because of it. I must find my zen or center, or whatever so I can function!

Seriously people, I cried this morning when I saw that my older two had spilled cherio’s all over the floor during a “picnic”. I should have climbed under the table with them to munch instead of getting all teary over a mess that could easily be cleaned up. Of course, I know that I am being irrational, I know that it is just because I am tired, but I can’t whip out of it so easily. The baby and I were up a lot last night, she was really fussy and just wanted a binky that won’t stay in her mouth for more than 10 minutes.

I remember my Mom once saying that you wait long enough between children and you forget how hard it was. It has been five long years since my last baby, and let me tell you I have forgotten all. It is one thing to say and remember that you will be tired, but just work through it. That somehow you will power through and be super mom. It is another thing completely to remember what the real meaning of the word Tired is. Almost like the word has a whole new meaning.

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Time for tears? Or time for a drop kicking.

May 23, 2008

Sultry Husband had been so thoughtful at Mothers Day. He painted the baby’s room (no longer that horrid green, now a soft purple), made me breakfast, let me sleep, and gave me a new CDRW (I really needed it), and gave me a coupon for more RAM. My computer has been slow for as long as I can remember, and we have been told over and over that RAM could solve the problem. His computer was having issues as well, so we decided to upgrade at the same time. We just had to wait for our “Stimulus Package” from the government before ordering.

Last week, it came, we ordered, and all was well with the world. That is, till I decided to follow the online tutorial myself and install my new RAM. I put it in, swearing that I did everything the way the website told me to, but I had a not so good feeling about it. I hate the insides or guts of a computer. I am always afraid of doing something wrong, so I almost never trust myself to do anything in there without SH watching over my shoulder. He has been so busy lately though, that my RAM had been sitting on my desk for two whole days and I was tired of it. I know that most of you are shaking your head waiting to know what horrid problem arose, but first let me remind you, I am pregnant, sometimes stupid because of said pregnancy, and always hormonal and prone to cry at any second.

Back to the story. I plugged in the computer after “successfully” placing my RAM where it belonged, it wobbled a little in it’s slot, but I thought that wouldn’t be a problem. The worst thing that would happen was that my RAM wouldn’t work right? Wrong. Oh how wrong I was. I turned on my computer and nothing happened, well nothing happened beyond the fact that the entire thing blew up. That’s right, I fried my motherboard, this was bad. The room was filled with the noxious fumes of burned up electronics. SH said the oh so easy to point out “Your computer is toast” line, and I ran from the room to hide the fact that I was about in tears. I was angry, frustrated, and most of all upset with myself for dusting off now obvious promptings as pregnancy jitters and fear of computer guts. I killed my computer and all I wanted to do was chuck it off the side of the Grand Canyon.

We went off to St. George to buy a new computer. SH working on his laptop because he had a deadline for work last night, and me- still hiding my tears and feeling like poo. We found a cheap deal for a new computer that is much better than my old one, normally I would be excited about a purchase like that, but it felt like a lead ball in the pit of my stomach. My fault the self talk kept bantering, all that money that could have gone for something else is gone because of me. Because of a stupid mistake. As most of you know, I have supreme guilt issues, but when pregnant those guilt issues become well, monsters.

After setting up the new computer, a beauty that it is, I realized one more set back… I now have to learn a new OS (windows vista) and I have to re-install all of my favorite programs. I am frustrated, I am tired, I am still angry. At least the tears have dried up, but windows vista takes some time to get used to. I remember hating XP till I learned how it worked, and now I am loath to give it up, even if I end up liking and enjoying vista.

Now, what to do with the old computer… drop kick it off the canyon? That would be fun, it may even make me feel better. Maybe I will just throw it off the roof and see what happens.

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Cravings

May 1, 2008

Sometimes I am amazed by how and when they hit. Or by the sheer force that they place on my will and if my emotions have anything to say about it, my happiness. What is this secret thing that seems to dominate my every thought, my every feeling? One word people. Cravings. With M, it was fresh pineapple. Sultry Husband had to carve up one a week at least. I also wanted fresh fruit in many varieties, and thankfully we were living with his parents in California for that summer, so I had access to all kinds of fresh produce. Strawberries, Water Mellon, Peaches, mmmmmmmm. I am giving myself another craving here. My second pregnancy was a bit different, we lived in three different states during my third trimester alone, so it was sometimes harder to curb and satisfy my desires. The big one, Olive Garden’s Pasta Frigole soup.

With my new baby, for one thing I can’t decide what to call her here because her name will also start with M. I don’t want to call her M2, so I may go by another initial or perhaps a cute phrase like Heather’s Boy Blue. Anyway lets away from my pregnant brain for a moment and talk about the cravings here. The strange thing is that with M and L it was the same food item for weeks or even months. With this one, it is something different almost every day. Two days ago, I was in a doctor’s office and smelled the lunch of some of the nurses. They had those really tasty taco salads with the shredded beef and all the stuff in a giant taco bowl… I can’t stop thinking about it, but there is seriously nowhere in my town to buy one. I would have to drive all the way to St. George for it, which doesn’t sound all that horrible to me at the moment, because I would have my taco salad dangit!

Yesterday I saw a commercial for seafood. Blech. But the colors reminded me of these tasty calzones that a local restaurant makes but cost way too much. We rarely go there, but last night. SH came in with a bag of popcorn and a movie, offering to share, and all I could say was “That isn’t a calzone.” I can’t think of anything in this world that I want more than a tasty, flaky, cheese stuffed, pizza like substance. I wish I could just turn off these urges, I mean, I know that the second I eat it I will be satisfied, but ten minutes later I will be desiring something else. The urges are much stronger this go around, when tasty food is much harder to come by and I have to prepare a menu two weeks in advance for what I want to make for dinner so we can get all of our groceries at Walmart and save money. How am I supposed to predict myself that far in advance? These days I look at my menu and groan because I know what I should be making and I want nothing to do with it. Then my emotional self takes over and I go cry over the missing calzone. A few months ago it was a Bloomin’ Onion from the Texas Roadhouse, I had to have one or I would go mad.

Please is there someone out there who can save me from myself? These cravings that I can’t/won’t allow myself to satisfy because of cost, location, or whatever are driving me crazy. Can cravings be controlled without giving into my every silly whim? On the upside though, my birthday is tomorrow and SH is taking me out this afternoon for a birthday lunch because he will have to be out of town on my birthday. Know where he is taking me? For calzones.

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Question of the day

February 5, 2008

Why is it that even though I live in a very dry desert, I have ice coating the INSIDE of my windows? Why do I have snow on the ground that will not leave even when the sun is shining up bright in the sky?

Do I have to move further south to get away from the cold?!

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Ugh, not again!

December 14, 2007

Ok, so let me start this by saying that I blame it all on a pair of room mates I had in college. They hated me, I never really liked them yada yada yada. Basically, I never had a single cold sore in my life until I met these two girls. They were twins and had chronic and horrible cold sores.

I once caught one of them, while dealing with a huge ugly sore, drinking from a glass and putting it right back on the shelf. Ugh. To make a long story short, I now have chronic cold sores. They drive me insane. Every single time my immune system gets a little tiny bit depleted, I get one. They stay forever and there really isn’t anything out there that I know of that will get rid of them faster.

Now before you start spouting off ideas, let me tell you that I have tried most over the counter medicines. Including, but not limited to Abreva, Herpacin L, Camfo Fenique, and Savex. None of them helped me get rid of the sores in anything less than a week, sometimes up to two weeks.

Here is where you come in. Please tell me that some of you know some miracle cure for cold sores? I just looked in the mirror and what did I behold but a white bump starting on my upper lip. Often when this happens, I pretend it isn’t there till SH points out the ugly thing and refuses to kiss me for a few days. Help people! This is the Christmas season, I leave for my in-laws in one week. I have to get rid of it by then! Help! Please, I am begging you.

Some people like to tell me that I will only get them when I eat bad food. Well, I can tell you that even if I were eating bad for me food, I am not keeping enough of it down to matter. I am living on toast people! It is enough that I worship the porcelain goddess over and over in a day, I don’t want a huge sore for Christmas!