Archive for the ‘Deep Thinking’ Category

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Limbo

October 2, 2009

I think that I am an action oriented person. I like to be in control of my own destiny, and thus if something needs to be done, I will do it. Let me pursue a goal so I may have the opportunity to strive for new heights.

Without giving too many details, let me just say that this past week has been very hard for us. We have some interesting and possibly exciting things coming, but nothing is for certain. That is where I am, in limbo. Waiting. As one of my all time favorite books states:

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at
break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting

I am tired of waiting, but I have no choice. Thus, I will continue to wait and while I wait I can’t seem to sleep well. This whole thing had better resolve soon because I can’t keep living like this!

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Nine years

July 31, 2008

Tonight, Sultry Husband and M’s musical opens. Beauty and the Beast really has become amazing. They have worked so hard, and SH as Gaston… let me just say, Wow. Amazing. I had forgotten how good he is at acting and belt singing. He fills the auditorium with his voice, and is one of the only actors who doesn’t need a microphone but has one just in case.

The other item of note today is that it has officially been nine years to the day that Sultry Husband and I got married. Wow, where has the time gone? I love that it feels like it was just yesterday that we were married, but we are much closer now than we were then. Things change so quickly, yet stay so comfortable and the same. At our wedding, we claimed that “our song” was a song from the Tarzan soundtrack. Neither of us were truly sold on the song, but we knew that we had to have one that was “ours”.

Through the years, our choice has changed over and over again. Finally, a little over a month ago, we found our true song. SH found it, and we both just felt it. At the time, I was still pregnant, and thus hormonal and I cried. It just fits. I also don’t usually like the play list features that many people have on their blogs right now, mostly because it forces me to listen. Not that I don’t want to listen, but give me the choice! Anyway, just for today I am placing one on my blog so if you would like to listen to “our song” you can. It is by Jason Mraz, titled “Lucky”. Oh, and I didn’t want to force anyone to listen, so if you are interested, click on “pop out player” and it will open another window with the song…

Since last July 31st, we have had many things change in our lives. The least of all being our new little one Princess Peanut. What a fabulous way to celebrate our nine years than with a beautiful new baby girl.

I truly am “Lucky”, and incredibly blessed.

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Do I exist?

January 29, 2008

We all know the old saying,

“if a tree fell in the woods, and no one heard it, did it really make a sound?”

I find myself wondering, if I comment on others blogs but don’t write on my own do I exist? Well, that sounds a little morbid, I meant do I exist in the blog world. I read everyone else’s stuff, I just can’t pull my fragmented and very pregnant brain together long enough to form a cognisent word. There I go, I can’t even remember how to spell cognizent. Both of those were wrong. Now I have to wonder if I even want to bother looking it up or if I should just erase the last two sentences and try a smaller word that I can remember.  Cognizant. There, I looked it up. Sultry Husband will be so proud.

Much has happened in my world, not all of it boring. Most times when I don’t write for a while it is because I think that I will sound boring or trite. There I go again, picking a big word… Some of my goings on have been medical and well- gross. So I will spare you any details. Others are stuff like the freak ice/snow storm that has left our roads in the state I last left Rigby, makes me wish for the summer to return.  Bleh, see what I have been reduced to? I am talking about the weather! I was just do determined to write today. I couldn’t allow my silence to go on any longer it was depressing.

Ok, so people I am pretty sure I exist in the bloggosphere. I do wonder if you have all forgotten me in my sort of absence. I have been reading your stuff, oh wait I said that already didn’t I… there I go again. I blame the parasite growing ever so beautifully within me. Ha! I got one more big word in there, maybe my brain isn’t as gone as I previously thought. But then if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have to rejoice in my big words, I would just let them be there all happy and large.

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Alone time

November 26, 2007

When M came home from school today, she stated that she wanted to play by herself. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but L had seriously been waiting to play with her all day long. L struggles with the fact that she is home alone with me, I just don’t play like her sister does I guess… Anyway, L came in crying because M wouldn’t play with her. I decided to sit down with both of them and share a story.

My younger sister had a best friend. This friend of hers had all the toys, a nintendo, dolls, games, you name it. Obviously, I wanted to go over there and play with them. I found it completely fun. It also helped that I really liked to play with my sister and her friend. The problem was, they really wanted to play together, without the hanger-on of an older sister. They created what they called “alone days”. Basically if they called an alone day, I had to leave. I absolutely hated it. Although now, as a grown up I can totally understand their reasoning. I mean, what kind of a dork wants to hang out with younger kids? For me, I was just insecure in my own world of friends- they were easy to get along with, and accepting of me…

While I understand the need for alone time, I believe that there is a time and a place for it. I made a deal with M, that we would find some time during the day to play alone, if she would play with her sister right after school when L is just bouncing off the walls waiting with complete anticipation for her. I kid you not, today she had her face plastered to the front window and she did a happy dance, yelling out “I see the bus! M is almost here to play with me!” I swear that it broke my heart to hear the magical, evil words of “alone time”. I am thankful though that my own experiences helped her to see that there is a time and a place for it. Just perhaps not right after school…

NaBloPoMo

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And we are back to…

November 25, 2007

Sometimes I must admit that I wonder why I did NaBloPoMo. Mostly, I wanted a reason to write again. I really do enjoy blogging, it is just that sometimes it feels like I just am not inspired. I know that all of you have felt this way at one point or another, but for me it is a major frustration. Deep down, I would love to have a popular blog, where everyone comes to read every day. Thousands of hits a day, a vast readership. But then, I think about it. What kind of commitment would that be? All those readers, clambering for a post every day, becoming angry if I didn’t produce. When I think about the down side to having one of those blogs, I realize that I would really be a slave to it. I wouldn’t be free to take a vacation without pre-dating posts.

So, we are back to me. Little old me, with not much inspiration on a Sunday evening. Do I mind? Sometimes. But, I started this blog for a place to just be me, and I have that. I am happy with what I have. My readers are friends, worth more to me than all the thousands of other readers out there that could make me popular.

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What Children Love

November 23, 2007

Sultry Husband told me that while he was at the store with my girls the other day, M found something that she really wants for Christmas. I was interested until he told me what it was. A huge box of every kind of bead.

Now for a little bit of back story. Months ago, or was it even a year ago, I bought all kinds of beads for my girls to string and make necklaces. They loved the activity and would spend hours stringing them. My main complaint was that I found beads all over my house. Every corner of every room. I would step on them in the middle of the night, my vacuum refused to pick them up, so they would just get pushed around, till I crawled around on hands and knees to pick up and throw away the infamous beads.

Yes, I threw away every last one. I grew to hate beads with a passion. The mere mention of beads would send me into a fit. So please, can you tell me, why am I actually considering the request? M seemed so delighted at the prospect. It is a cheap gift that I know would be her favorite. Perhaps I could find a way of not giving full access to the beads, and thus hopefully forgoing the stepping on the bead in the middle of the night syndrome. The girls are both older, but are they more responsible?

Questions that are going through my mind as I hope that somehow, one of you will talk me out of getting the beads. Cheap gift that gives thrills and brings a huge smile to my girl’s face, or my sanity. Which one is more valuable?

NaBloPoMo

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Panic

November 15, 2007

I have been thinking a lot about panic lately. I heard on Monday that I need to have my little orchestra ready to play a Christmas concert on December 1st. If you subtract the days for Thanksgiving break, I basically have 7 rehearsal days left. The kids were given the music on Monday, just like I was. It is totally not my fault, but I wonder if the kids can pull this off.

The question was, at what point do I panic about this? I was really worried a few days ago, but now I find myself reaching this point of calm. Mostly because I know that either we will bomb the performance, or we will be awesome. I will do my best to teach the kids their parts, they will hopefully practice at home, and we will pull it off.

Panic really doesn’t help.
NaBloPoMo