Melody practically lived out there today, coming in to warm up then begging me 20 min later to help her dress up again so she could go play. It was really funny. Lily got into the spirit, pulling her coat around behind her all day, begging to go out. I caved a few times, but the first fall into the snow always sent the two of us back inside to warm up her face. I mean really, I can’t blame her, every time she fell it gave her a face full of snow… The first sojurn into the snow with her though, was just magical. It was the first time she had been able to play in snow and remember it. Adorable!

A few pictures:

Lily was so happy to be out there, she kept clapping and shouting “YAY!”

Melody loves to eat snow… I know, horrible parent that I am, I let her. She was well hydrated today, she kept telling me that snow was yummy.

Lily tried to keep up with Melody, but she just couldn’t do it! She would stand there as Melody would run by, then about 10 seconds later Lily would try to follow in that direction. By then, of course, Melody was clear across the yard. I give Lily an A for effort though!

This evening, we went out and made a snowman as a family. By the time we finished though, it was dark, so I suppose pictures will follow of him tomorrow. Awesome day though, even though I hate to drive in it, and I really hate to be cold in any way, snow can just be magical.

Then we stayed up till 3:30 a.m. getting things ready for Christmas morning. Wow, that was painful. A quick little aside though, Lily of the awesome did something so incredibly funny during our Christmas service at Church. The primary (all the children ages 3-12) were up at the front singing a few songs. Michelle happens to be her favorite word at the moment… anyway, Lily had escaped Dave’s clutches into the isle… the perfect combination for what happened next. In between songs, Lily looked up at Michelle (seeing her for the first time), and sang out at the top of her lungs “SHEEEEELLLLLL!” it was so drawn out and loud! Thankfully everyone just snickered while I hid my head in shame…

So back to the trip. We started driving, and 25 min up the road, I suddenly realized that my pillow and fleece jacket were not in my lap where they belonged… I had left them on top of the car! I told Dave to turn around, but he being so tired said “we’ll just buy you another pillow at my parents house”. Now, me being just as tired exclaimed how it was my favorite pillow ever (it’s really comfy) and that I got my fleece on an unbeatable sale at Old Navy, and we could never afford it again unless it went on sale again… so I did the only sensible thing that my 2 1/2 hours of sleep brain could do… I started crying, which made us turn around and go all the way back home, to find my things had fallen off the car exactly 3 houses from where we started. Awesome.

Other than that, the drive was great… the girls were awesome, Lily and Melody both took a good nap, while the rest of us listened to a great audio book from the Library. Showing up on the In-law’s doorstep though was priceless. We started singing “we wish you a merry christmas” ending instead of “and a happy new year”, we ended with “and we are right here”! I will remember the screaming from Dave’s mom for a very long time.

A week of awesome adventures (which unfortunately included the flu for both Dave and I) ensued. This post is getting way too long, so I will cut it here for now. It was a marvelous trip full of dutch oven dinners (made by us), and many happy giggles over Dominoes… good times. I am glad we went north for the week. Definitely worth the trip.

I am so thankful that I live in the time that I do. I am thankful that I was not raised by anyone but my oh so caring mother. As much as the children loved their “Nannies”, I feel they needed their mothers more. I would love someone to do all the cleaning and laundry for me, but that is just because I don’t enjoy that part of being a domestic goddess . I would refuse to hire someone to raise my babies. Sometimes when Melody’s big brown eyes look up at me with complete trust and adoration I wonder how anyone could choose to have someone else raise their kids so they can run around playing bridge and going out to lunch… what did those women do all day, every day anyway?! I would rather play hide-and-seek!

“The Help” made me think, it made me laugh, and it made me cry. I am glad I watched it…

Instead I get to go to another Funeral on Tuesday. I will miss you Lori, you are gone from us too soon. Please everyone, stay safe and stay healthy. I don’t want to mourn any more.

“If any grandchildren would like to work for their parents and donate some money we will give gifts to some children from them.  A few dollars translates into a lot here.  Have the children put the money in an envelope to give to us when we return, and tell us how much to spend.  What fun.”

I can’t tell you how excited I am about this idea! I was given some extra work making Christmas Cards, so I have a little extra cash. I now know exactly what we are doing with some of it. I am sure my kids will jump on board, carry extra firewood for a quarter? Pick up the extra toys in your room? Empty the small garbage cans? I think that they will be excited at the idea of helping out the Ugandan children who have so little. My mom has frequently seen the children playing with an old tire and a stick for lack of anything else… imagine the surprise on Christmas morning when a little girl gets a doll from my daughter… To lose myself in service projects, that is what I need. I just know it.

So back to the death. Someone. We live down the street from a Mortuary. The people that run it are so very nice and I have enjoyed talking with them. Till yesterday when I drove by on our way somewhere and I saw a whole lot of cars in the parking lot. It brought back too many painful memories that I am trying really hard to forget. Today though, as we drove by the church (its at the end of my street too), the parking lot was full and I saw the hearse outside. I almost started bawling. I have something in common with someone in my town. I am sure I will hear through the grapevine soon, but really I would rather not. Someone else is gone, Someone else’s family will be trying to move on in life.  For now, I guess I will just say it here, I am so sorry dear Someone. So, so sorry.

Lily is constantly smiling. Unless she is scowling because Melody taught her that trick and they both find it insanely funny. The two will scowl and then cackle at each other for 20 min or more (and in the attention span of a three and one year old, that is huge).

Melody though, she just says the most off the wall funny things. It helps that she has a huge vocabulary for a three year old, I blame it on her writer father. Anyway, last night she told a joke to Dave. It made us all laugh, so I am sharing it with you. Hope it is a little bit of sunshine for your day as well. We can all use it.

Melody: knock knock.
Dave: Who’s there?
Melody: Banana
Dave: Banana who?
Melody: Love banana! (short for I love bananas!)
Melody, followup: I come in?

But what I love, love, LOVE… is that even with all of the freedom, she chose to climb up into my lap to play patty cake.

Friends don’t mind if you just blather on about whatever is inside your head. If I had dedicated readers, I would feel so much pressure to blog. Right now, I am blogging for me, to get my thoughts out of me.

I feel that there is a change brewing within me. I know that sometimes a traumatic event can bring about the winds of change, and I definitely do not have the corner market on trauma. I just find that something deep within my soul is different. I haven’t figured out what that is yet, but somehow I think it will be for the better. I hope it will be for the better.

Yesterday I read a post by Karen that I found so thought provoking. Normally I would have tried to just tell her it was beautiful in her comments section, but this time it resonated so deeply within me. I have found myself going back just to read the poem within the post again and again. Her whole overall message is that “this is the day your life will surely change…” I feel it, change. Something is coming… I also feel like breaking into a song from “Wicked” For Good Story of my life right now, I am changed, for good. There is no going back, so I am jumping in with both feet. Thanks for sticking around to read my ramblings, but this time I am writing for me, and that is good. I think.

So, here I am, showing up. Trying to be normal. What is normal?

My daughters make me laugh, especially the three year old daughter. She has taught my baby how to scowl. Really, we don’t like it, but my baby! She scowls then laughs because that is what her older sister does. I love their smiles way more, so I instructed my older kids to not respond at all when the baby scowls. So far, it isn’t working because the baby thinks it is funny.

I used to hide their names from this blog. I have other friends that use their kids names and I find that I like it better than hiding them. Old habits die hard I guess because I am still referring to them as “the three year old” or “my baby” instead of Melody and Lily. There, I did it. I put their names in there. I am moving on.

What a lame post. But I guess it is, at least, a post. Hello world, I am grieving but I am also trying to go on living. My brother would want that.